Being Sick Makes Me Cranky, Doctors Make It Worse

Maybe you are like me and you do not like to go to the doctor for whatever reason. I have lots of reasons. I asked my mom recently what the doctor said about the pain she had been having in her hip area. She looked down at the ground and depressed when she explained "He said it is from weight and age." Wow, nothing like going to someone for help and they call you old and fat. Personally, I love my doctor as a person. She has a big heart and cares about people. With that said, I wish I did not have to sit a whole hour in a windowless, virus infested, ugly furniture filled waiting room. Obviously my immune system is already low and now I am in an incubation room for bacteria. I am just about to fall asleep and get a crick in my neck when I hear "Lisa Beljaobimoaidfgm."  Then the inevitable long walk down the hall to the very public scale. I get plenty of time to think about what I have done to make the scale say such mean things during another 30 minute wait in my solitary confinement cell. Suddenly, during that wait the door opened with no warning. An unfamiliar face looked at me and said "Oops, wrong room! I didn't think this was the room."  I was thinking...then why did you come in? I was tired, sick, and cranky what can I say besides thank God I was wearing clothes! Since I had some spare time I started observing my surroundings. I noticed that there was a cotton ball jar and a gauze jar...that were see through as well as labeled cotton and gauze?! I mean this is a doctor's office, usually the decor tries to prove abundant knowledge with degrees and the like. If the doctor is trying to make a decorating statement it should not be with clear glass labeled jars. It makes me worry what else could be confused. (Documented proof from Instagram: 2funnywomen)

Moving on, my doctor comes in with her assistant. My doctor is a tiny, cute, extra tiny little lady. She is a spit fire though. First thing, she MAKES me get on that tissue paper covered table. I felt like a deli ham. Ugh. She takes her black ear/nose magnifier gadget thing and says "I am going to check your nose," and then the next thing I know its in my eye. "That is not my nose," I exclaimed. Maybe I should label my body parts like the cotton and gauze. She says she is gonna give me a z-pack (I don't know if that is the spelling that is just what I heard). That was all done in about one minute. She went right into "Sandy what is her weight now? What was it last time? Did she gain weight?" The scale is out there doc can't we leave it that way. "You need to lose weight. You are gonna have health problems. Lose weight. Are you happy?" You want me to be happy?  Great! Your on my clock doc, my turn. "I have been growing fat weapons I call breasts, come over here so I can suffocate you with them, skinny." That is when she let up and let me go. I went to the doctor to get help. Instead I just got cranky-er!

Blessings & Multi-Vitamins,

The Queen of Comedy, Lisa Belluomini
& 
The First Lady of Comedy, DeAnn Alaine