The King of Comedy

     Ever hear of Hulu? You can watch TV shows and movies of today and our past all in one convenient place. So, my hubby has been watching Star Trek with Jean Luc Retard...sorry, Pecard and it took me back to questions that I had back then watching TV, that I still have today... Why can Jordy see better with an 80's "Banana Clip" over his eyes? I mean...REALLY? I tried that and fell onto a coffee table into a plate of spaghetti. Also...who decided that a good name for a teenage doctor would be Doogie Houser? I mean, doesn't he have enough problems as it is? Here's one more. I've NEVER seen an episode of "Flipper" where any of the characters fed the dolphin. So, why does Flipper keep coming around and doing favors for a cute kid? What a dumb dolphin! Why couldn't someone say, "Hey Flipper, if you stay here serving this kid and his family...giving American's a good moral, eventually a large shark or killer whale will find you and eat you!" Sadly, I'm no better off regarding my strange tv history hysteria today than all those many years ago. Thankfully I have learned that I don't need to have all the answers because I know someone who IS the answer! Do you need hope, help, and some direction? Then...LOOK UP! Two Funny recognizes that there is a King of Comedy that doesn't usually get any credit. So today we say, "Here's to you King of Comedy...the One with ALL the answers"!
Blessings and Banana Clips,
Two Funny Women:

The First Lady of Comedy, DeAnn Alaine
                                &
The Queen of Comedy, Lisa Belluomini
    

National Heat Awareness Day (aka Canada Strikes Back)

Today, the last Friday in May, is National Heat Awareness Day.  Currently I am writing this post in Florida and I would say we are having a full blown celebration, with humidity at 45%, the heat index reaching 95 degrees, and I just heard Ricky Martin is making a comeback! Speaking of making a comeback, National Heat Awareness Day is sponsored by Canada.  Today, could also be called "Canada Strikes Back."  It is almost like the reaping in the Hunger Games.  Canada claims the lives of those around the World due to hot weather.  They use it as a penance to all the gloating of above zero temperatures that goes on during winter in other countries.  The rebellion against winter will not be tolerated by Canada. Canada actually loathes that other areas of the world use the term winter so loosely. For example, Miami, FL experienced its lowest temperature this winter at a bitter 50 degrees. Canada laughs, because if it cried the tears would freeze to Canada's face.  I guess that is why so many funny people come from Canada.  Comedians like Mike Myers, Kathleen O'Hara, and Howie Mandel were simply trying to survive a pre-Pevensie family Narnia climate.  Some of the ways Canada has lashed out in the past include: Chicago's heat wave in 1995 claiming the lives of 700, in 2003 Europe had its worst heat wave claiming 50,000 lives, and in 2007 Justin Beiber was unleashed on the WORLD (number of victims are still being tallied)!  So just remember this summer if you get a sun burn, heat stroke or a Beiber song stuck in your head...blame Canada! 

Blessings & SPF, 

The Queen of Comedy, Lisa Belluomini

&

The First Lady of Comedy, DeAnn Alaine

The First Mother

We are sure that you enjoyed your "Mother's Day" experience. Perhaps you were the one to enjoy breakfast in bed (burnt toast), flowers (dandelions picked from the front yard), a movie and dinner out (where you know your children will eat...McDonald's). Even still, you got to enjoy the privilege of having precious time with your family.
Let's talk though about a remarkable woman. A singular woman that could carry the title "THE FIRST MOTHER" of 'em all. A woman that could say in all honesty, "I never had the option of an epidural!!!!!". Eve, the wife of Adam was quite an extraordinary woman of her day. What am I saying?? She WAS the only woman of her day!
Let's just join with Eve in the moments of the birth of her first son Cain. Her water had broken, contractions were in full swing, she's at 10 centimeters and 98% effaced, her eyes were bulging out of her head and she's saying, "Adam, how could you do this to me? Having this kid in the Garden of Eden would have been so much better!!" Now since we don't know what language she was speaking, she might have also said, 

"وأنت تسير لدفع لهذا اليوم كنت وضعت لفة البيض الخاص في بلدي فطيرة باللحم!" or even..."

あなたは私のワンタンのあなたの卵のロールを入れて一日の支払をするつもりだ!"...which we all 

know means, "you're gonna pay for the day you put your egg roll in my wonton!"

Now she is feeling that moment when the RING OF FIRE is lit and the substitutions for profanity start to kick in. You know like, PRAISE THE LORD and  Thou has prepared a birthing table for me in the presence of my...ADAM!!! So finally after all that, Cain is born and I can see Eve wearing a plaque around her neck saying "I AM THE FIRST HUMAN MOTHER" and no one would ever, EVER be able to say otherwise. 
So although we'll never be able to have such an illustrious title, the Queen of Comedy- Lisa Belluomini and I have the honor of saying to you, "Happy Mother's Day"! Because no matter how, when or where you received your miracle, your special distinction will never change.

Booty's and Blessings,
The Queen of Comedy, Lisa Belluomini
                                &
The First Lady of Comedy, DeAnn Alaine

NFL Draft

Last day of the NFL Draft! Yes, there is more than one day...surprised? me too!  This is for football, but I was confused as to why the NFL is promoting baseball. Did you notice how every draft pick receives a brand spankin new BASEBALL hat?! Is that confusing to anyone else? Baseball is my favorite sport, and apparently it's the NFL's favorite sport too?! WAHOO! Where my Cleveland Indians fans at?  Speaking of Cleveland...the Cleveland Browns seemed to have learned a few things from Kevin Costner in the movie "Draft Day." I have to say that they are some quick studies! I wish that movie would have hit theaters in say 1996! Welcome to Cleveland Johnny Manziel! Here is what you have won...Snow from September to May (when is football season again?), scorching humidity that lasts 24/7 from June to August, and don't forget Lake Erie named for it's collection of tears from Cleveland sports fans due to unnatural losses of countless athletic events...wait did you hear that? Every time a Cleveland team loses, a frog in Lake Erie croaks. LeBron James (you knew he had to show up here eventually) won my heart back just a tiny bit today when he was spotted wearing a Cleveland Browns jersey with the number 1 on it to salute ole Johnny Football. Now if he could just take back the New York baseball hat he wore to the Cleveland Indians playoff game in 2007.  Wait, I had it wrong this whole time! He was just representing New York football because when you like a football team you wear a baseball hat! LeBron you really do love Cleveland!

Blessings and Croaking frogs,
Two Funny
The Queen of Comedy Lisa Belluomini & The First Lady of Comedy, DeAnn Alaine

Cinco De Mayo...Ole!

We are so excited to celebrate Cinco de Mayo! We would like to start by thanking Mexico for its gift to the world of mayo. We have mayo every day in our life much like mothers. It only seems right that mayo would share it's month with mothers everywhere. They are BOTH so important in the lives of humans. The First lady of Comedy and I will be having a signature Mexican delicacy smothered in mayonnaise every hour May 5th in honor of Cinco De Mayo..Midnight: Chalupa with mayo 1am: Dos Equis with a shot of mayo... join with us at 5am and 5pm for a special salsa margarita with mayo! We do not discriminate our origin of mayo...we welcome Hellmann's, Kraft, even that kind without a name in unrefrigerated packets at the county fair...we don't care! We love mayo everywhere! So whether your bun is brioche or potato, slap some mayo on it and fiesta! That is what Cinco De Mayo exists for...exalting Mayo!

Blessings & Mayo shots,
Two Funny
Lisa la Reina de Comedia
& The First Lady of Comedy, DeAnn Alaine