Sometimes as a comedian I think of things that are gross...yeah, it happens! But what I'm about to tell you goes beyond gross and into disgusting. Have you ever gone on an extensive trip by way of bus? I have. I thought that I was well prepared for the journey with a bag of clean undies, a fresh shirt and wet wipes...plenty of wet wipes. After the start of the journey, I started hearing the quiet nightmares of bus traveling and I kept thinking, "I'm so glad that I have what I need to stay clean!". Not so much. After the first 24 hours I was so proud to get my bathroom bag and go to the (not so fresh) restroom. After encountering a "man sized" load in the toilet, I wondered if I was in the men's room...nope. Once I found the stall that hadn't been annihilated, I went in and started pulling off my clothes and getting out my wet wipes. I didn't know that after a few applications of deodorant, combined with wet wipe, creates a sticky mess. Not only did my pits stick to my pits but other parts of me was sticking to other parts of me. I felt like a human sticky toy that you slap on a wall and watch it roll down. And then I noticed that all the wet wipes has duckies and rattles on them. That didn't make me feel much better. Not long after I tried to freshen up in the restroom of the bus. That didn't work so well because there was no sink or water to clean with; only hand sanitizer. The area was so cramped that just trying to get into a reasonable position to get to some "not so easy to reach" places was nearly impossible! With one leg on the floor and the other on top of the tampon dispenser, one little bump on the interstate and WHOOSH!!! My foot fell into the hole leading to the nasty blue liquid poop solution. However not one toe touched the oozy goo in the pot. That alone was worth celebrating. YES!! The other thing that we ALL noticed was the airflow of the bus; it was circular. Having a bunch of people on a bus trying to save their "dumps" for the toilet of a real bus station was unreasonable. When one person poops, it's like we all poop and have to deal with the fragrance. It was awful. So if you ever have to go on a bus trip that is longer than a day, please do yourself a favor and screw the wet wipes. Take some wash cloths, soap, air neutralizer, and...a catheter!!
Blessings and Wet Wipes, Two Funny!
The First Lady of Comedy, DeAnn Alaine
&
The Queen of Comedy, Lisa Belluomini
